One Song At A Time
by Emerald-Latias
Summary: Some people march to the beat of their own drum, but what if you were literally at the complete mercy of the lyrics and melody surrounding you? Squall and Rinoa are about to find out. Inspired by overchay’s ‘Music Mix, Track One.’
1. Strange Love

**One Song at a Time**

**Summary –** Some people march to the beat of their own drum, but what if you were literally at the complete mercy of the lyrics and melody surrounding you? Squall and Rinoa are about to find out. Inspired by overchay‏'s_ 'Music Mix, Track One.'_

**Disclaimer **– Don't own Final Fantasy VIII or any of the songs I'm using for this. Just so you know. ;)

**Author's Notes – **Okay, before I delve into this, I want to make a few things clear.

_One_ - I am obviously not the first to use this meme which stipulates that you write a drabble about your favourite pairing according to the song that pops up on shuffle while it plays – so if it's over, you're done. overchay gets the credit for that and I'm just a shameless copy-cat (what can I say, I like the idea of using shufflin' songs too much for my own good to pass up).

_Two_ - She is clearly better at me at this, so you happen to like what I do, check hers out. It'll be better.

_Three_ – That being said, I'm picking the best of what I have for now until I really get the hang of this (for those who know me, you can imagine how hard it is to keep things short) - That's not to say that I won't have drabbles from consecutive songs, because I did have a good streak for a little while. Tell you what. I'll let you know if the songs are consecutive, ok? Good.

_Four_ – the format will be like this:

_[Meme number]_

_-—Song title—Artist—Song length—-_

If there's a _':C'_ after the meme number, means that it was the song that came after the last song, if the letter is missing, it means it's from a new set of shuffling or there was a break where one/several songs' drabble wasn't used for whatever reason.

Enjoy!

-—-—--—-—--—-—--—-—-

[01]

_-—Strange Love—Goo Goo Dolls—3:35—-_

"Oouu…You're so going to get it Leonhart!" I said at the top of my lungs. Payback was all I had in mind after my dear boyfriend played that awful trick on me.

He took a step back, now out of range of my sink hose's spray. I had to find a way to get him closer again. I put the hose back in the meantime and tackled him.

It didn't work, but it was fun.


	2. What I've Done

[02]

_-—What I've Done—Linkin Park—3:25—-_

There was blood tainted on my hands. I couldn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it. Looking up at Squall, it was clear that he saw the horror on my face as plain as day.

"…I…I can't believe I took away his life…" I mumbled, on the verge of fainting. He crouched down beside me and I wanted nothing more than to collapse into his arms. I wanted to black out, pass this off as a bad dream but…it wasn't happening. It just wasn't happening.

"It never gets easier Rinoa. Sometimes…it just happens, whether you like it or not."


	3. Spin

[03:C]

_-—Spin—Lifehouse—4:52—-_

Spinning around in an old tire, being pushed by Rinoa…it seemed utterly ridiculous. The whole damn idea was ridiculous. People were gawking, I was getting dizzy on top of it…why I was still on this swing was beyond me but it didn't stop me from staying silent and letting Rinoa playfully push me.

"Had enough?" she asked. I could tell by her voice that she was smiling, on the brink of giggling.

Somehow, I found myself with a slight grin in spite of the embarrassment and nausea.

"No, not yet."

And I wouldn't have changed my answer for anything in the world.


	4. Next To Nothing

[04:C]

_-—Next To Nothing—Breaking Benjamin—3:45—-_

I've had plenty of days where I didn't even want to get up in the morning and I'm sure it's nothing new for anyone of my age. But today, it's different. The perpetual cold chill of the room was enough to make me not want to get out of bed for weeks on end. I've been saying this for quite some time so I guess it must truthful to some extent. I feel like I'm next to nothing.

…And I know I won't be whole again until she comes back from Esthar.


	5. Unwell

[05:C]

_-—Unwell—Matchbox Twenty—3:53—-_

"Squall, you know you're sick, I know you're sick…please take a day off."

"Now's not a good time Rinoa—" A rough cough erupted from my throat. "Cid's counting on me to—"

"No buts Squall. You're calling in sick and that's final."

"Coughing isn't enough to call in sick Rinoa."

"Would he let you stay if you told him that I'd gone insane?"

"I doubt that."

"Rats."


	6. Wait For The Blackout

[06:C]

_-—Wait For the Blackout (cover)—Goo Goo Dolls—3:39—-_

Whenever things happen in the most peculiar times, we often try to recreate a similar kind of situation in hopes of recreating the moment, even if it's nowhere near as memorable. Squall and I first made love to each other during the only blackout Balamb Garden had ever suffered.

I've tried to fry our lights at least four times now. Buying light bulbs after is so totally worth it.


	7. If This Is Goodbye

[07:C]

_-—If This Is Goodbye—Lifehouse—2:54—-_

It's happened. We had our breaking point and we're no longer in the same apartment. Our relationship is on the rocks and hanging by a thread. Things have been said, many things I regret, many I'm sure he regrets too.

Maybe we'll recover and find forgiveness someday. We always do.

This won't be goodbye. I'm not ready to let this go under.


	8. Unsatisfied

[08:C]

_-—Unsatisfied—The Replacements—4:03—-_

I'm stuck in a rut I just can't get out of. I just don't know it, or I choose not to acknowledge it. Alright, maybe I do. I still won't admit it. But every time I look into her face, I can't lie to myself anymore, if only for those brief moments. This isn't her fault – this I can attest to.

…If only I had the willpower to change things surrounding our situation. Maybe I'll be satisfied then.

But what if it's me that I have the problem with?


	9. Closing Time

[09:C]

_-—Closing Time—Semisonic—3:51—-_

_(I cheated a little here, but it was so totally worth the extra thirty seconds. See if you can figure out why. Hehe.)_

A bar. Of all places she drags me to after all this time apart, she calls me up, asking me to meet her up in a bar in Timber? I just don't get it. She knows I don't like bars and I know that she doesn't like bars, so why are we meeting up here? None of this is making sense. I'd joke to myself and say that maybe I should start drinking, but then I think I deserve to slap myself for that horrible joke.

Nonetheless, I walk into the bar all the same and act as if this isn't bugging the hell out of me as I search for her. Luckily, it isn't a smoky room in the slightest so I spot her fairly fast but something catches my attention first. I blink.

"Squall…remember the last time we were in a bar?"

Her slightly rounded stomach made me remember all too well.


	10. Forever

[10:C]

_-—Forever—Breaking Benjamin—3:55—-_

I never had a problem picking jewelry as a teenager, between my sole earring, Griever necklace and ring, all of the decisions regarding those didn't require too much of my time. I knew what I was looking for and I bought it when I saw it. It was as simple as that.

Now, I couldn't begin to choose what I wanted if my life depended on it.

Maybe it had to do with the fact that I'd see my choice on her finger forever.


	11. Somewhere Out There

[11:C]

_-—Somewhere Out There—Our Lady Peace—4:11—-_

I remember the day I was up in space with her all too well. She was a million miles away yet so near at the same time. She was possessed then and I feel like it's my turn now. I can't find her and I hate that I can't find her. I shouldn't have yet her go but I did. Now I'm plagued with visions of her in my dreams.

You're close but yet so far away, wherever you are.

Hyne, I'd give anything for you to fall back to me.


	12. Forget About The Rain

[12:C]

_-—Forget About The Rain—Trapt—3:29—-_

We can't go outside because it's raining, he said. Pish. You can have the most fun when no one's out there in the rain. No one to gawk at you jump into puddles with your boots, collecting water in cupped hands, no one to comment on the fact that your tee-shirt is indecently transparent…it sounds like good old-fashioned fun to me. But he won't have any of my reasoning; he's too serious to forget about the rain.

Hm…I think I'll surprise him by dumping a bucket of water over his head.


	13. Float On

[13:C]

_-—Float On—Modest Mouse—3:28—-_

"Squall, you're not going to drown, come on….the water's nice and warm!" I shouted at him from the deep end of the pool, treading water aimlessly. It was rather lonely being the only one in the pool.

He shook his head. "Rinoa, there's a reason why people don't go in the pool after eating." he countered. "I'm not going to be a statistic."

"Don't worry; I'll make sure you keep afloat. No one'll know that you can't swim."


	14. Misery Business

[14]

_-—Misery Business—Paramore—3:16—-_

I don't know why I felt so bothered when I saw them talking in the hallway the one day. I really don't. They were probably talking about Garden-related stuff and here I am in a bit of a huff. I was too afraid to try to eavesdropping because I know that anything involving stealth is not my forte. In spite of myself, I made my way over to where they were and tried to make my presence known as innocently as possible.

I didn't want to be mean but I hope she got the message.


	15. Fake Plastic Trees

[15]

_-—Fake Plastic Trees—Radiohead—4:50—-_

I could never comprehend Rinoa's efforts on redecorating my apartment despite her explanations. It was always lost on me.

"It'll give your place a bit of colour!" she'd once told me when she bought me a small bonsai tree in a pot. "Aren't you tired of seeing white everywhere?"

"No." I stubbornly replied. She smirked.

"Will this plant kill you?"

"No, but I might kill it. I don't have a green thumb." I explained.

She giggled. "I suppose it'll give me a reason to come over every day then."


	16. Crutch

[16]

_-—Crutch—Matchbox Twenty—3:27—-_

Go figure. Of all the times I had to break my leg, I had to do it while I was on a vacation with Rinoa without any magic stocked in Winhill no less. What's worse is that Rinoa's insisting that I actually heal the break the magicless way with a cast and now we're spending the whole month vacation with me stuck in bed and her playing my nurse.

Hm…maybe this isn't so bad after all.


	17. Black Hole Sun

[17:C]

_-—Black Hole Sun—Soundgarden—5:18—-_

The meta-magic we've used in battle has always confused me. The others have always dismissed the actual logistics of it, preferring not to confuse themselves over something that didn't really matter so they were free to go into battle with a clear head but I had to wonder. It was my nature to wonder. How can someone store Fire in their heads and not have a life-threatening fever? How can someone keep Thunder spells and not suffer the literal effects of shock? I've tried to have Squall explain it to me but it does more harm than good. I always walk away more confused than when I first went to ask him.

Don't even get me started on Demi spells. Having a black hole in your pants is just weird.


	18. I Hate Everything About You

[18:C]

_-—I Hate (Everything About You)—Three Days Grace—3:55—-_

Sometimes I really wondered what ever attracted me to him. I really did. Okay, I'll admit that I was physically attracted to him first and that's probably why I tried pursuing him. I guess this what they're actually talking about when they say it's love at first sight. You take that one peek at a person and it's like you're putting blinders for some unsavory qualities they have because you refuse to believe that they act a certain way when they look like that and they're kissing you and taking off your shirt and…

…Well, let's just say he's better now.


	19. Welcome Home

[19:C]

_-—Welcome Home (Sanitarium)—Metallica—6:28—-_

Despite what has happened in the past few years, there are times where I still feel cut off and isolated from the others, trapped inside my morbid thoughts. It seems like I can't seem to leave this behavior behind me no matter hard I try. It's the price of using GFs. Just when I make some kind of progress, I forget something and suddenly, I regress somehow because I've forgotten something I thought of to rationalize things or something Rinoa's said. This should be a sign that I should stop using the GFs but I can't risk not having their power to bolster my strength in midst of combat. I can concede that they've saved me from a certain end on several occasions.

I let out a sigh. I want to be there for her, but is it worth the price of forgetting?


	20. Cruel

[20:C]

_-—Cruel—Default—4:39—-_

"You don't have to be so mean Squall! It was just an idea. You don't have tear it to bits, you can just say no."

Her boyfriend sighed. "I've tried that Rinoa but you never take a simple no as an answer. You always need the details and so I gave them to you."

"No, you just slammed the idea. You didn't explain why it's not doable." she pointed out. "If you point out why we can't do this in a logical way and present your argument without being so cruel, I'll accept that maybe it's a stupid idea."

"……"

"…You can't think of anything?"

"No, I…can't."


	21. Easy

[21:C]

_-—Easy—Fuel—4:26—-_

Mind games, I don't know why people use them sometimes. It's just torture and I hate them. I hate watching couples use them against each other. I don't even care if they use them to trick the other just for a big reveal-and-surprise in the end. There's always that length of time where the person is wondering, questioning things…just not in a good place. No surprise is worth that.

I told Squall to never do that to me, to which he replied, "So you never want a surprise party?"

I rolled my eyes. "…That's not what I meant."


	22. Simon

[22:C]

_-—Simon—Lifehouse—6:01—-_

I feel like Squall's putting himself in a cage sometimes, purposely shutting himself out for no reason. For the longest time, I couldn't understand why but I think I'm starting to get the idea, now that I took a trip back to Timber, only to have tons of comments on how I changed with the underlying tone of, _'you're not the same and we want the old you back'_. I didn't think I've changed enough to warrant that kind of welcome so to get that was almost heart-breaking. When I felt like just faking my immature ways just so I'd stop getting this reaction, it suddenly clicked. Squall must have been getting the same reaction so he's hiding to pretend like he hadn't changed.

…Or was he doing that to ignore the reality that our relationship had made him a different person?


	23. Damn

[23:C]

_-—Damn—Matchbox Twenty—3:20—-_

This really caught me off guard. I'm still reeling and my mouth isn't working. My legs are starting to feel like jelly too. Why did I think we'd never get to this point? I haven't breached the subject because I thought that he wouldn't want to, or maybe it's because I never thought of him in _this_ way. Now that I think about it, I don't know why I put him on such a pedestal. He is a guy underneath it all.

I think it's about time I said yes.


	24. Long Road To Ruin

[24:C]

_-—Long Road to Ruin—Foo Fighters—3:44—-_

We've been walking for god-knows how long and it doesn't feel like we're getting any closer. I'm losing hope and I'm pretty sure he had a long time ago, but keeping his mouth shut on the subject for my sake.

"Squall?"

He turned to face me. "Yeah?"

"You can say what's on your mind. I don't think we're going to find our way—"

He shushed me right there and then.

"…Please don't say that Rinoa, one of us has to keep a positive outlook and we both know it's not going to be me."

I had to giggle. Role-playing inside of malls was fun and I just so happened to find the elusive bathroom.


	25. Made Of Steel

[25:C]

_-—Made Of Steel—Our Lady Peace—3:44—-_

"You're becoming a robot Squall, you've got to stop letting Cid walk all over you all the time. Say no when the paperwork's higher than your head."

"A robot would be able to process the work in less time." I dryly pointed out. "I'm slow at this so I couldn't possibly be a robot."

"Okay…then maybe you just have tolerance made of steel."

"That…made no sense whatsoever."

"I know. I wanted to test you and I guess you're not a robot after all."

"Does not compute."


	26. Paralyzer

[26]

_-—Paralyzer—Finger Eleven—3:25—-_

I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel like an idiot and I'm feeling more like an idiot for not bringing more gil to at least dull my apprehension with a bit more alcohol. My bottle was already downed and now I was stuck on the outer edge of the sticky dance floor. There was no way in hell I was dancing so I opted to just watch the scene.

Unfortunately, she had other plans. And I didn't mind in the slightest.


	27. Rest Stop

[27]

_-—Rest Stop—Matchbox Twenty—4:30—-_

Driving for several hours had already taken its toll on me. Rinoa was asleep and I had to pull over to a rest stop — I needed to stretch my legs and get a little air. Once I found an exit on the highway with a sign indicating that there was a coffee shop and a gas bar, I took it. We were a little low on fuel anyway.

When we were there a minutes after that, I parked to the side of the coffee place and got out to do what I so sorely needed to do. After I got all of the kinks out of my system, I reached for the handle only to find that it wouldn't open. Shit. Peering through the window I realized that my keys were still in the ignition.

It looked like I'd have to wait until my sleeping angel woke up.


	28. Broken, Beat & Scarred

[28:C]

_-—Broken, Beat & Scarred—Metallica—6:25—-_

I cursed at myself for letting myself go for months on end without keeping up with my training. I was getting my ass handed to me by a T-Rexaur when I should have fallen it a long while ago. Fucking paperwork, I cursed under my breath as I parried a claw. Casting a Sleep spell, I'd given myself momentary respite when it landed without a hitch. I stopped for a second to catch my breath against my better judgement, that being that I should be casting spells and summoning GFs like no tomorrow.

No wait, I thought, the GFs would be useless. I'd purposely had them KOed after I realized that it reduced the effects of memory loss.

I cursed under my breath again as I forced myself to walk away.


	29. Lucky Star

[29:C]

_-—Lucky Star—Goo Goo Dolls—3:08—-_

"Squall, look at that one!"

Her enthusiasm for the heavens above never failed to amuse me. It was an enthusiasm we didn't share, but I admired her for keeping it after what had happened in space. I…just couldn't.

"Hey, are you even paying attention?" she lightly chided. "You look like you're a million miles away."

I turned away from the dark sky and looked at her instead. The lucky stars in her eyes were enough for me.


	30. My Apocalypse

[30:C]

_-—My Apocalypse—Metallica—5:01—-_

If anything could be said about Squall in combat, it was that for whatever reason, you don't ask him to cast fire elemental spells, even Meteor and Flare spells were cutting it close. It was Ice spells or nothing. Not like it mattered, his Lion Heart made short work of anything that came across its path.

Another thing that could be said about Squall in combat is that you don't ask him why he hates using fire-based spells. You might just get a gruesome demonstration of why he didn't like using them, needing a winter coat just looking at it.


	31. Another Second Time Around

[31:C]

_-—Another Second Time Around—Goo Goo Dolls—3:00—-_

"You're the best looking guy here. Dance with me?"

Nothing. Nada. He just looked at me with those stormy slate eyes of his.

"Rinoa, don't try to recreate that night, you're just going to be disappointed."

"It's just for fun Squall, I won't care if your dancing is a little rusty."

"Rust has nothing to do with it."

"Alright, what is it then?"

"I don't think I'll be able to let you leave this time."


	32. My Hero

[32:C]

_-—My Hero—Foo Fighters—4:18—-_

I hate the notion of us being hailed as heroes. It annoys me to no end and Rinoa's not doing anything to help. She's under the impression that we are heroes too.

"Squall, if you guys didn't do what you did, the world would have died when Ultimecia did what she did." she said.

"I'm not a hero. I'm just an ordinary teenager put in an extraordinary situation. Heroes are supposed to be people who save the world willingly, not because they were forced to."

"Well…can you be my hero if you don't want to be the world's?"


	33. Cry For Help

[33:C]

_-—Cry For Help—Shinedown—3:20—-_

I could hear the screams, the cries for help and it's driving me insane. I can't deal with the fact that she's calling for me and not someone else. I can't deal with the fact that someone's depending on me. All I ever do is let people down. I'm not fit for being depended on, there are more competent and worthy people I'm sure.

Still, I pray that she'll be okay until I get there. I depend on her to save me too.


	34. Trade Yourself In

[34:C]

_-—Trade Yourself In—Shinedown—3:32—-_

I hate myself. It's no secret if you look hard enough. The thing is that not too many people have the chance to get close enough to look. Only she knows this and it kills me. It kills me because I don't want her to worry over someone like me when I know I can't change this. I wish I could trade myself in all the time.

What kills me more is that she fell in love with me this way and if I traded myself in, I'd lose her for sure.

I can't win for losing.


	35. Them Bones

[35:C]

_-—Them Bones—Alice in Chains—2:30—-_

I'm bleeding profusely and I can't stop the flow. I ran out of curative spells and potions a long time ago. I don't have much time and there's no avoiding it, I'm going to die here in Trabia with no one to save me on the cold, red snow. Shedding a sole tear before I grew too weak to keep conscious, all I could think of was the bones I'd leave.


	36. Found My Way Out

[36:C]

_-—Found My Way Out—Default—3:47—-_

"C'mon Squall! Quit being such a slowpoke!" she yelled from the other side of the beach.

With a slight grumble, I made my way there in a jog. The sand was hot and getting into my sandals with the odd rock or two. This was exactly why I didn't wear sandals or go to the beach. And that wasn't even counting the growing sunburn on my back. That was exactly why I didn't go shirtless outside.

When I finally made it to where she was; all it took was her smile to make me forget about all my bitching. She was my way out.


	37. Mad Season

[37:C]

_-—Mad Season—Matchbox Twenty—4:30—-_

"Rinoa, I feel like an idiot. Can we stop?"

"No, I want you to be apart of this."

"All I seem to be apart of is making a mess on the floor. I'm not cut out for this."

She tossed me a look. "Squall, if you quit now, you'll never know what it's like. I don't care if you make a mess. I just want you to try." She paused her motivational speech to give me another heated kiss on the lips. "…I promise it'll be worth it in the end."

"I'm holding you to your word Rinoa."

"Don't worry. These cookies will definitely be worth it."


	38. Why Don't You And I?

[38]

_-—Why Don't You and I?—Santana feat. Alex Band—3:50—-_

Ever since we've been going out, Rinoa has made a point to make me try as many new things as I could humanly stomach. I'm under the impression that she's trying to make up for lost time, but I don't really mind. Well, maybe I've minded a few ideas she wanted me to try but I figured that as long as I'm still in one piece it's all right. I can never stay mad at her for long because I know she means well.

However, in spite of this, I think I'm going to have to turn her down this time. Snowboarding seems like a head injury waiting to happen.

On second thought, I'm sure _she'll_ give me a head injury if I don't say yes.


	39. Without You

[39]

_-—Without You—Default—3:40—-_

I'd been waiting here for a long time. Outside the infirmary, I had no choice but to sit here; I wasn't allowed in while they were stitching him up. Trying to distract myself, I wondered what curative spells could and couldn't do to repair someone's body or if it was simply a matter of time which determined that.

Regardless, my debate didn't matter. He was injured from his mission and his life was hanging in the balance. I stopped myself from crying. I had to. I needed to practice being strong without him just in case. It was something I didn't want to think of but we don't always get what we want all the time.


	40. Name

[40:C]

_-—Name—Goo Goo Dolls—4:30—-_

I always think too much whenever I'm sitting alone in my chair. Right now, the topic currently being tossed around was that of wasting time. Ironic, I thought. I was thinking about wasting time, or to be correct with the tense, wasted time and I was sitting here doing nothing. So many people have done something with their lives and I haven't. I don't feel like I have. Everything I have was pushed onto me. I didn't work for it like a goal, I was just told to do it and because I listened, things happened.

Then I thought of someone else, someone who had done something with her life, something who had done something from her own prerogative. She was even responsible for our relationship _—_ yet another thing I didn't initiate on my own.

But if I was to do anything for a change, I'd need to get off of this chair first.


	41. Superman's Dead

[41]

_-—Superman's Dead—Our Lady Peace—4:17—-_

Looking out the window of the hotel, I couldn't help but feel the hate from the crowd at the base of the building. I was being holed up here after someone got wind of my powers at Balamb Garden. It was the quickest place we could escape to who would accept us. Squall's clout helped a little.

He was here with me, acting as my bodyguard. The sight of his gunblade being drawn inside the room was a little unnerving though. It was as if he was expecting people to break through in spite of security and it made me feel like I was his damsel in distress and that he was my superhero again. That was enough to make me ill.


	42. From The Inside

[42:C]

_-—From the Inside—Linkin Park—2:55—-_

To say that I didn't feel well was an understatement. Something was wrong but I couldn't tell anyone. No one was going to understand. Especially him. I don't even know what to say even though I know what's happening. I damn well know what was happening inside my body but it was the wrong time. I was scared.

It almost hurt me to see him wrap his arms around me so securely.


	43. Bullet Proof

[43]

_-—Bullet Proof—Goo Goo Dolls—4:37—-_

There was something heavy in the air tonight. I couldn't put my finger on it but there was definitely something there in the ballroom for the annual SeeD inauguration. It didn't feel right and I made sure to hold Rinoa a little closer than usual. Not surprisingly enough, she caught on to my apprehension.

"Is there…something wrong Squall?"

Of course I denied that there was and silently cursed myself for giving her such blaring hints to what I was thinking. Still, the thoughts wouldn't go away and she kept on periodically asking me and I kept on saying nothing was wrong. After we'd left, she stopped on the spot and looked me in the eye.

It wasn't long before she gave me a soul-stealing kiss that corrected all the wrongs I was feeling.


	44. Sky Is Falling

[44:C]

_-—Sky Is Falling—Lifehouse—3:29—-_

Sometimes I'm under the impression that the sky was falling. I'm sure everyone does. Everyone has those days where nothing goes right and they have to wonder if the heavens above were coming down on them. Okay, maybe it's not the sky falling in my case, but rather that the ceiling coming down on us or the walls were coming closer and closer together to smother us.

I know I'm exaggerating but, I can't quite describe the feeling. I know I'm not claustrophobic so I should have been fine in the enclosed space.

Or maybe it's this particular enclosed space that I'm anxious about – his bedroom.


	45. Adrienne

[45]

_-—Adrienne—The Calling—4:31—-_

I've seen so many instances where love went wrong, so many times where people drifted apart; stayed together than they should have left…I didn't want to ever have that with Rinoa. While I can't even imagine life without her now, I had to be realistic about this. People break up all the time. It's why the divorce rate's a clean fifty-fifty. Hyne, I can't believe the thought of divorce slipped my mind; we're not even married yet.

…Did I just say '_we're not even married yet'_ in my head?

Maybe my subconscious knows more than I do. Maybe it knows that I could see the rest my life with her.

God, I just hope I'm not one of the delusional.


	46. Lazy Eye

[46]

_-—Lazy Eye—Goo Goo Dolls—3:44—-_

Nothing is real, I'm imagining things, seeing things…or am I trying to convince myself that I am? No, I'm not going to believe the lies, no matter how hard it hurts. She's really being taken away tomorrow so they can perform tests on her in Esthar. She'll be gone for a whole year and no one will be allowed to contact her.

The ink on the note is starting to smudge and I know it's not my vision going on me.


	47. Going Down In Flames

[47:C]

_-—Going Down In Flames—3 Doors Down—3:31—-_

We had to run; there was no other choice for us. When I overheard the people in the shops, I knew that our time here was scarce. I knew that they were aware of what she was in this small town.

I could hear her breathing go ragged as we rounded what seemed to be the last of the dirt road. When she collapsed, I unsheathed my Lion Heart. I was more than ready to defend her against what came our way.


	48. So Far Away

[48:C]

_-—So Far Away—Staind—4:01—-_

Travelling never brought out the best in me. I preferred to stay by myself, in my own little world with no one to disturb me. Whenever I travelled, that luxury was stripped away. I felt uncomfortable with my personal space melded into others'. For some reason, people always asked the questions they never would in any other circumstance. Were they doing it because they knew I couldn't walk away and ignore them or was it because they were really that bored?

I'm almost afraid of what would happen if I were to ever travel with Rinoa alone. Some things I'm not ready to share yet, no matter how close we've become. I've still got a long way to go. And sometimes that has to be a road travelled alone.


	49. DOA

[49]

_-—D.O.A.—Foo Fighters—4:11—-_

We've resigned to the fact that we're not going to come out of this alive. No one survives the biting Trabian climate without the proper snow gear and back-up. The heavy snowfall has buried it deep and we weren't going to find it anytime soon and it wouldn't matter if we did, really.

I took a good hard look into her eyes and she smiled at me. I couldn't understand how she could.

Then I realized she'd been hiding our things in a nearby cave. I couldn't decide if I should be mad at her or not.


	50. This Is How A Heart Breaks

[50]

_-—This Is How A Heart Breaks—Rob Thomas—3:50—-_

I've been running for so long but I don't know if I can stop. I know I'm being paranoid, but it felt as if someone was following me, chasing me even. Making a quick turn to the Quad, I could see the heads whiplashing to see me make an idiot of myself with my running. If only they knew what the hell I was running from maybe they would stop looking at me like I've—

Shit. Why the fuck did I run here? I just trapped myself because I was too much of a dumbass to remember that the construction cordoned off the area I was trying to run to.

It was too late; I could already see her running to me in the distance. I'm as good as dead now.


	51. These Days

[51:C]

_-—These Days—3 Doors Down—3:40—-_

I can't remember the last time I had a rough patch with him. It's all been kind of bumpy now that I think back. As much as I didn't want to admit it, we were too different to really have a normal, functioning relationship. It always went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. No stable middle ground to be heard of. It was always so hot and cold, so bi-polar. God, I don't know what he'll say if I told him what I was suspecting was happening right now. God, I don't know.

I need some time alone to think this over. Hyne only knows that I won't have much of that left.


	52. Who Followed Who?

[52]

_-—Who Followed Who?—Default—3:23—-_

"You were the one who chased me, Rinoa." I told her. She shook her head and I wanted nothing more than to sigh.

"Yeah, but, you went after me in space." She reasoned. "If you didn't want this, you wouldn't have bothered with that crazy stunt."

I actually went through with the sigh. "Why are we arguing about who followed who? We're just wasting time."

She shrugged. "I don't know, I just thought I'd get it straight so when our kids ask about it, I have the right story that you won't contr_a…Squall?_ Ugh, why am I not surprised?"


	53. Losing A Whole Year

[53]

_-—Losing A Whole Year—Third Eye Blind—3:17—-_

I don't know what lead up to this; I just know that when I woke up, everyone looked slightly different. Then, I was told that they had to keep me sedated for the better part of the year so they could work on a cure. A cure to what, I asked. Rinoa whispered that I'd been poisoned by somebody from an anti-Garden organization and that it messed around with my nervous system or something where I'd become extremely violent and unpredictable.

My eyes widened at this new information. She was holding a newborn with slate blue eyes.

…I couldn't believe I'd missed all of that.


	54. Dig

[54:C]

_-—Dig—Incubus—3:57—-_

Being this way bothered me. I couldn't help it as it was now becoming a part of me. Having people help me hone my powers made it all too concrete. I am a sorceress and I can't just pretend that it was only a joke everyone else is playing on me.

But at least he's there, willing to help me through this tough and trying time. No matter what hole I seem to be digging, he's always there to bring me back to the surface. And for that, I am thankful.


	55. Art School Girlfriend

[55:C]

_-—Art School Girlfriend—Stone Temple Pilots—3:35—-_

"I am so not an art school girlfriend!" I yelled-slash-laughed at him. This idea in his head was almost too funny. I didn't think art schools even existed anymore. "Having you been sleeping enough?"

He didn't answer me straight. That was a dead giveaway that he'd been cheating on me with paperwork. I smiled at him.

"C'mon, you'd better get some sleep." I told him. "I can't have Irvine and Zell getting anymore weird ideas in your head."

"…More like weird ideas in my cup." he slurred.

Oh, so that's what it was. I am so going to kill them now.


	56. Left Of The Dial

[56]

_-—Left Of The Dial—The Replacements—3:43—-_

I think there was a reason why Squall and me didn't watch too much TV. Neither of us liked it too much to start with but we liked the idea of using it as a backdrop to other things. All we needed was the proper setting to be able to do so comfortably. The only problem was that most of the programs where boring news broadcasts because people were still adjusting to the fact that they could use the medium again and not just using it to play movies.

I turned the TV's knob to the left and shut it off.

"Squall, why don't we just can the pretenses and do what we were going to do anyway?"

He lethargically shrugged. "Play a board game?"

I hit him with a pillow for that.


	57. Hanging By A Moment

[57:C]

_-—Hanging My A Moment—Lifehouse—3:36—-_

I could see the light shining through and it was almost eerie to see bits of my own reflection in her impossibly-dark eyes. What didn't help matters is that she is a master at detecting whenever I was zoning out into my own little world and teasing me for it. Hyne, I'm not like the others, I thought to myself, of course I'm going to do strange things since this is the first time I've experienced this. Still, she continues to smile at me and I keep on shamelessly staring.

"You ready to go?"

The lack of teasing surprised me, then again, she'd always been an enigma to me. No wonder I was always left hanging for more.


	58. Don't Worry

[58:C]

_-—Don't Worry—Goo Goo Dolls—2:25—-_

"Don't worry Squall. We'll be ok."

"…You sure?" I said apprehensively.

She nodded. "Positive. Got your bag?"

I nodded back. "Yeah, I'm all packed. …You have yours?"

"Of course."

There, it was official. We were ready to leave. More specifically, she's ready to leave and I'm ready to call in sick for the first time ever.

No, scratch that, I'm not ready to play hooky for the first time ever. But Hyne…as I'm punching in the numbers, I hope she was right when she said not to worry.


	59. All My Life

[59]

_-—All My Life—Foo Fighters—4:15—-_

I felt the blood pumping through my veins and arteries with every slash and parry. There was a kind of spark coursing through my body that I didn't get from facing the garden-variety monsters in the training center. Then it all came to a screeching halt. I'd missed. I cursed under my breath.

Though it was a somewhat shallow cut against her upper arm, I made her bleed in what was supposed to be harmless practice.

The spark intensified for whatever reason but I hid it as I casted a cure spell. There was a slight line left there after the magic fizzled out.

She was now branded like I was.


	60. If You're Gone

[60]

_-—If You're Gone—Matchbox Twenty—4:37—-_

Looking at the photograph, I couldn't help but be reminded of him. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. Or at least it didn't feel like he was coming back, to be more honest. The paper he showed me weeks ago said he should have been back exactly a week ago. Given that this was a very risky mission, if he didn't come back within a few days of the predicted amount, it would be safe to say that he wasn't coming back for good.

The sound of footsteps caught my ear and I had to set down the photo. I looked up and saw his face looking down at me. I was at a lost of words.

"…Hyne…you're alive…but..they said if you hadn't...by—" He put a finger to my lips to stop me from rambling on. He also used the other to fish something out of his pocket.

"…Sorry, I had to make a detour." he softly answered.


	61. Stop The World

[61]

_-—Stop The World—Goo Goo Dolls—3:33—-_

Stop spells are awesome. I don't know why people don't use them in combat more often. Really, it's a shame. There are just so many things you can do when you put someone under one. Hehe...I guess I let it slip, didn't I? Well, I'd better explain myself.

Squall was having a really bad day when I had something planned for the two of us. Unfortunately, he would have none of it and I was really bummed out because of that. So, in my desperation, I cast a stop spell on him along with a sleep spell just to make sure he couldn't see what I was doing.

I can't even imagine how he must have felt when I gave him a remedy minutes later.


	62. Creep

[62:C]

_-—Creep—Stone Temple Pilots—5:33—-_

I've been demoted to creep status for now. Go figure, this all happened by accident anyway. I just catch a peek of him coming out of the shower once and he gets all flustered. What was the big deal, really? I'm sure I've accidentally given him peep shows whenever he came early to my dorm when I was still getting ready.

It may be annoying now, but those couple of seconds was worth it. The look on his face was _more _than worth it.

I so saw that small smirk mister. You don't have to go punishing _me_ for it.


	63. Wasting My Time

[63:C]

_-—Wasting My Time—Default—4:26—-_

"This is messed up. I thought it was still light out." she complained. I had to shake my head.

"That's what you get for your crazy ideas Rinoa."

"I'll say. They're so fun that you end up wasting more time than you bargained for." she quipped.

"Yeah, and I have a feeling that we're going to get _our_ time wasted in the disciplinary room for staying out past regulation curfew."

"Don't worry, I don't think they'll cat—" Dammit. Busted.

After it was all said and done and we'd received word of our punishment —a day in the detention room like I'd guessed— Rinoa whispered something in my ear. "Hey...I think I have an idea on how to waste the time when we go."

My ears immediately turned red.


	64. Last Time

[64:C]

_-—Last Time—Fuel—3:41—-_

"Rinoa, I'm not doing this anymore. This will be the last time."

She scoffed. "You say that now, but I know you'll want to do this again."

"Whatever. Just press the button."

Rinoa reached over and pushed down the button responsible for the boombox's music. This time, a catchy alternative rock song blared out of the speakers. We started writing away on our respective papers as if our lives depended on it and a few minutes later, the music faded and Rinoa started reciting what she had.

"_My silly boyfriend said that this'll be the last time we'll do this shuffle game but I know better because he secretly loves it._"

"Har. Har."

-—-—--—-—--—-—--—-—-

**Author's Notes** – You know, you guys could say something if you're (mostly) following these. I don't care if you do one review for a whole cluster or if you're picking and choosing to read and review some based on the song that I had to use. Just do me the simple kindness of sparing me a few words - otherwise, this _will be the last time_.

_(And no, I got this song by chance just like all of the others; I didn't purposely cheat in order to drive my point home.)_


	65. Blackened

[65]

_-—Blackened—Metallica—6:42—-_

The scorched earth surrounding us was almost sickening. How could such destruction have happened? Weren't we past the second sorceress war and all that hoopla? Shouldn't there no longer be anymore violence like this? Of course not.

_...If this was the perfect world. _

But if we've learned anything, the world will never be perfect, never in complete peace. People will always wage wars, inflict pain and violence with or without a reason to. It was only human nature. Just like this scorched earth by my toes, there was no reason for it. It wouldn't be understandable to assume a battle had gone with some monster and someone used a fire spell – there were no monsters for miles in this desolate and barren wasteland. Someone had clearly done it just to prove they could. And it was sickening to hold this information to heart.

I looked over at Squall. Even after all his years of training, living in a different world from my own, even he held disgust for this action.

"Are you alright?" I asked him.

"No." he softly mouthed. I could feel the tremble in his voice. I squeezed his hand harder.

Who would set the orphanage ablaze?


	66. Optimistic

[66]

_-—Optimistic—Radiohead—4:53—-_

"C'mon Squall, can't you be optimistic, just once?"

He shook his head, the bastard. _Gee,_ how come I didn't see this one coming from a mile away?

"It's stupid to think everything's just going to be alright. You'll only set yourself up for an even bigger fall when things go exactly as expected."

I arched a brow. "Do I have to give you the same lecture like I did five years ago?"

He tossed a snarky smirk at me. "If I recall, you apologized to me after. You plan on doing that again too?"

"Ugh...you're such a meany sometimes."

"If I'm a '_meany_', then I'm a meany with a memory."

"Oh really?" I began to tease. "Do you remember what _this _is like?"

I stepped up to brush his lips ever so slightly but never lingering enough to be considered a kiss.

"Sure," he grumbled, "The only time I feel like being optimistic and you let me down."


	67. Million Miles

[67:C]

_-—Million Miles—Fuel—3:49—-_

She looked so distant, so removed...I couldn't stand it. She was reminding me of myself. One of me is enough; she still needs to be the buoy that keeps us afloat. I...can't be that; we'd just sink to the depths of the ocean if it were up to me. Fuck, I can't bear to see her this way. Not when it's my fault.

"...Squall?" she called out in a tiny voice. I felt my heart beat a little faster.

"...Yeah?"

She turned to look at me. "Will...will we ever be the same again?" she asked. I had to look down.

"I don't know." I really didn't. "We'll just have to take this one day at a time."

She gave my hand a little tug. "I'd...like to think she'd want us to go on with our lives."


	68. Barely Breathing

[68]

_-—Barely Breathing—Duncan Sheik—4:16—-_

I know what you're doing but I don't know how to reach you. It's very clear to me that you're hurting inside and you just can't say the words. Everything seems heavier whenever you're around, so strained. I wasn't born yesterday. I can accept what's going to happen. Sometimes goodbye is a necessary evil, even if you don't know why.

You need a break from me Rinoa, you're growing too cynical and I fear I'm becoming a bad influence. I'm barely breathing, knowing that I can't be near you, but it's for the best.

We'll find each other someday. It'll be when we're more mature and less malleable. I appreciate you for who you are. I don't want another reflection in the mirror.

I'm still thinking this over as I'm writing this note.

Hopefully, you'll understand what I'm doing.


	69. Jumper

[69:C]

_-—Jumper—Third Eye Blind—4:06—-_

What the hell was he thinking? Why was he up there? Why and I standing down here? God, how come I didn't see the signs? It doesn't matter. We're here at this point, regardless of my thoughts and reflections.

With inhuman speed, I rushed my way up to the cliff where he was peering down at us. When I finally found myself hanging onto the ledge, he saw me almost immediately.

"What are you doing here?" he questioned as I was still struggling to pull myself up. With a single hand, he lifted me up with ease. Once I was on my feet, I hugged him within an inch of his life.

"Don't you ever do this again Squall. I can't live without you." I cried.

"Rinoa..." he softly said. "I'm here on a mission. I'm not suicidal."

Oops.

"Um...you need some help?"

"Always." he said with a knowing grin.


	70. If You Could Only See

[70]

_-—If You Could Only See—Tonic—4:24—-_

"Squall, are you almost done with this blindfold? I'm getting a bit dizzy here."

Almost as if he'd considered her question as a command, he took off the blind. She closed her eyes once more and hugged him fiercely.

"Squall...I can't believe this..."she gasped. "-are you sure you want to?"

"Please, I don't do things on a whim. I mean this."

"I know that but...I know that the others have been on our case ever since...we found out. I don't want you doing this just to make an honest woman out of me."

"Rinoa, if that was the case, I would have done this the instant we found out so no one would suspect anything." he softly told her. "They just can't see anything past their own standards."

And for that, she kissed him on the spot, the 'yes' buried within their embrace.


	71. White Knuckles

[71]

_-—White Knuckles—Alter Bridge—4:25—-_

Fighting with all the strength he had, he tried in vain to keep the blade away from the bridge of his face. With a swift duck, his opponent clumsily stumbled a bit. Still, it didn't automatically level the battle. The blond swiftly turned on the dime, facing him with the utmost contempt in his regard. It wasn't long before Squall found himself dodging his opponent's blows in the training center.

It was only when a T-Rexaur interrupted their match when he finally had the chance to say something as they were forced to reluctantly pair up to beat the damned thing.

"What's done is done." the shorter of the two coldly said. "-And I plan on surviving so I can see this through."

-—-—--—-—--—-—--—-—-

**Author's Note – **I haven't been posting these right after I was doing them so I'm stopping with the ':C' annotation to indicate when it follows the prior song. Hell, I'm surprised that I still remembered the song to this, it's been awhile and I hadn't marked it.


	72. Somewhere I Belong

[72]

_-—Somewhere I Belong—Linkin Park—3:36—-_

I never quite felt at home here. Not brought up with the same ideals and training, it was easy not to belong. What didn't help was that my being here was sort of paradoxical. SeeD and Garden was trained to kill sorceresses and here I am, a sorceress sitting in their very lap, very much alive, no less. I let a sigh escape. I damn well knew that I was only here out of Squall's wishes and because of our newfound relationship.

As much as I've grown to love him, I can't stay here in such a place, I need a place where I belong. Here is not it, I need to be back in Timber, the only place I've truly called home. I just hope he understands my need to leave.


	73. Buried Alive

[73]

_-—Buried Alive—Alter Bridge—4:35—-_

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be buried alive? I don't and I'm sure that the ones who have are in no condition to fill us in on the gaps. Goddammit, I have no idea why I get these thoughts. While I've always resigned to the fact that I never had any kind of imagination, I don't know if I can firmly say that anymore. Ever since...we've been together, I've been sensing things I've never felt before and I don't mean 'feelings' alright?

I wonder...could the sorceress-knight bond be affecting our personalities, swapping and fusing traits and moods?

....I just hope I don't start calling everyone a meany. I'd doubt they'd ever live that down. Ever.


	74. It's Come To This

[74]

_-—It's Come To This—Fuel—3:40—-_

It's the last thing on my mind but it has to be done. She knows this too. I've wasted the daylight and all that's left is the stars and night sky. Running out on the streets until I saw what I was looking for, I breathed a sigh for relief when that moment finally came. Clutching what I needed in my hand, I headed inside the place.

I still can't comprehend why she'd want to make brownies at this time of night though.


	75. Empty Space

[75]

_-—Empty Space—Lifehouse—5:03—-_

There was an empty space on my floor. I almost couldn't believe it. After she'd moved in, I quickly come to terms with the fact that I'd never have a clean floor ever again. It seemed as if she didn't believe in putting back her clothes into the drawers and closet where they belonged. She simply tossed things on the floor, claiming she was too tired to put them away properly.

_Right..._that made _complete _sense considering she always put her pyjamas on at around nine.

Ironic how an uncovered patch of floor was now bothering me now? Soon enough, I felt a tap on my shoulders. It was Rinoa with a few pieces of clothing in her arms.

"Hey, I was thinking of cleaning up." She told me. "I'm sure you're tired of the landmines."

I could tell by her expression that she didn't expect me to tell her to drop what she had in her hands.


	76. Second Chance

[76]

_-—Second Chance—Shinedown—3:40—-_

No one ever gave me the time of day back at home, never gave me a chance to let me shine on my own instead of being hidden under my father's shadow. Well, after all these years, I've finally felt like I've done something on my own for a chance and I owe it all to the chance I took when I was sixteen – my second chance at life. I've done the best I can and I think I'm doing your words justice mom.

—_Sometimes goodbye is a second chance._


	77. Slide

[77]

_-—Slide—Goo Goo Dolls—3:33—-_

Oh no, how could I have done this? How could this have happened? God, I don't know. I thought I wasn't able to...

Take a deep breath Rinoa. You can handle this on your own; you don't have to tell him, he'll never get the chance to get guilty over this. But...Hyne...I don't know. What if it was meant to be? What if it was my—our only chance at this kind of thing?

Sleep, I told myself, I'd better sleep on this before I make any decisions.

In spite of everything swirling around my head, the one thing I know is that I just wanna wake up where you are, wherever that may be.


	78. Laughing

[78]

_-—Laughing—Goo Goo Dolls—3:43—-_

God, I can't stop giggling and my sides are starting to hurt. Why can't I stop? Oh yeah, I'm replaying that moment on infinite repeat and it's hilarious.

Fuck, I'm freaking everyone out.

Squall Leonhart is not known to laugh, therefore he should not laugh - especially at an all important Garden meeting.

This is your entire fault Rinoa, I'm laughing all because of you.


	79. Rain

[79]

_-—Rain—Breaking Benjamin—3:25—-_

It was raining the day I was born, I was told. Ellone's been filling me in on all of the things I've never known of the life I should have had. Now that we no longer used GFs, the point was other than moot. I could remember now. I could remember all the bits and pieces she'd feed me whenever she stopped by.

I've grown accustomed to the newfound tradition of learning something new whenever she came over. It made me look forward to her visits even more so.

This time she brought someone else and I had to ask why.

"Squall, I've told you all I know about your life but there is one thing I can't tell you myself."

When the president of Esthar stepped forward and into the light, I already knew what was going to be said.


	80. Here By Me

[80]

_-—Here By Me—3 Doors Down—3:48—-_

I'd always loved having her at my side and now it's gotten to the point where I have to reminisce about it. You've moved on and I can't understand why. I don't want to understand. I just need you here, I can't take another day without you. I can't make it on my own any more – was this the lesson you wanted to teach me?

Everything's slipping away from me, only this time, it is by choice. Reality's escaping me by my own volition, swept away inside of the memory of the love you've given me.

I'm tired of waiting now Rinoa, I want you here by me.


	81. Broken Wings

[81]

_-—Broken Wings—Alter Bridge—5:07—-_

Her wings were clipped, spirit broken... she's fallen, fallen hard. We've both lost many things in the past week but I fear that she's lost more than the people who were around us. I know this much, I can see it in her eyes. It is more than just an opinion. The things we think last forever are the first to go and I'm learning this fast. She's no longer the person I felt in love with, just an empty shell, someone like...me.

I don't know how the army managed to wipe out the rest of our friends in one fell swoop. I don't care to know. I can't dwell on the questions, I'll only fall further into the abyss and I...I have to be the stronger of the two of us. She's never experienced the sort of tragedy a SeeD has. It's our fault really, we were too good at surviving and she grew accustomed to us sticking around, giving the false impression that we are immortal.

For now, I'll allow her that one little respite. Her broken wings need to be repaired somehow...someway.


	82. Iris

[82]

_-—Iris—Goo Goo Dolls—4:50—-_

If only I were immortal, I wouldn't have to make him suffer like this. I...can't hold on, I'm slipping away. …Hyne what I'd give for a taste of this moment to linger on my tongue a little longer. He's bleeding too, but not as profusely as I am. I tell him it'll be alright, but he sees through the comforting lies. I can see that he's beginning to break down, wishing he could give up his perceived forever to let me stay in this realm forever...I wish he wouldn't. I don't want him to see me because...I'm just reminding him of what he won't have soon before long.

I don't think he understands why this is happening, but it's who I am. I am a sorceress and I was not meant for this world.


	83. Feel The Silence

[83]

_-—Feel The Silence—Goo Goo Dolls—3:50—-_

I yawned, desperately trying to close my eyes and trying to get back to sleep. It's to no avail. Luckily Squall is up trying to finish up some paperwork at his desk in the corner of the bedroom; his space lit by a singular dim lamp. Getting up, I walk over to him, trying not to make a sound but at the same time, not trying to be too quiet so I don't frighten him with I get closer. Purposely making little '_scoot_' noises on the hardwood floor, I caught his attention after a few steps.

"I can't sleep Squall. Could you, shut off the light and go to bed?"

I got kind of irritated when he said nothing but surprised when he went to straight to bed like I'd asked. The next morning I woke with more vigour than usual but I had to ask him when he woke up a few moments later.

"Hey, how come you didn't say anything last night?"

With a wry and still rare grin, he replied, "...I had laryngitis."

-—-—--—-—--—-—--—-—-

**Author's Notes – **The next couple of memes are from the same band so I apologize in advance if you don't like them. I showed this to a friend and we did our own using only that band's songs on shuffle. They turned out well, so who am I to exclude them?


	84. It's Over

[84]

_-—It's Over—Goo Goo Dolls—3:36—-_

Things aren't the same anymore. We've grown rather distant over the many nights he spent away, toiling at the endless stacks of paperwork instead of coming home. I kept it to myself at first, but now I know better – I can admit to the knowledge I possess, though it's not always easy when I constantly kick at the walls in my mind to believe otherwise. Still, I won't find the answers until I get where you are and talk to you. I won't tear you down Squall, it's impossible to tear down the things that were never there in the first place.

Taking that first step towards the office, I was stopped, nay stunned by the sight of you here in the middle of the afternoon, far earlier than normal, even by your stated office hours.

Maybe it's not over after all.


	85. Black Balloon

[85]

_-—Black Balloon—Goo Goo Dolls—4:10—-_

At first it was something to take the edge off, to cool my nerves. Now, I don't even know if I can find my nerves at all. All I'm left with are the various pinpricks, telltale evidence of that I've done. How could I have ever predicted that I'd be the one to fall into such an abyss? To a dark hole where no one could save me, not even Rinoa?

Oh, that's right, she wasn't here anymore. She'd left to become the subject-matter of my prayers a long time ago. Maybe it was never about nerves after all. I...just can't believe I've fallen along with my angel.


	86. We'll Be Here, When You're Gone

[86]

_-—We'll Be Here (When You're Gone)—Goo Goo Dolls—3:29—-_

Separated by a fence, surrounded by ghosts, I want to blot out the sun right now. This headache's turning into a migraine and it's not helping. This has all happened because I missed the chance at redemption. It's gone and no one understands. I'm only human, I can make mistakes too.

Unfortunately, I don't know where I'm headed. No one wants me. Oddly enough, I can't even remember if I was ever wanted in the first place.


	87. All Eyes On Me

[87]

_-—All Eyes On Me—Goo Goo Dolls—3:58—-_

As I felt the uneasy stares surrounding me, I couldn't help to be uneasy as well. I was the subject of their hatred whether I wanted to be or not. God, why won't they look away? If they thought I was just another normal teenager they wouldn't be acting this way. Oh no, I wouldn't be drowning in this, burning from their stares, lying to Squall about my feelings on staying here.

I want to hide in my room with the lights off. No one can stare at me then, except for him. He's the only person I'll let stare at me.


	88. Naked

[88]

_-—Naked—Goo Goo Dolls—3:44—-_

We define ourselves by the way we dress; it's a defence-mechanism, really. It hides who we are as much as it defines. We can mask who we are by choosing a certain clothes, give misleading impressions to attract or repel the right kind of people. Unfortunately, my clothes no longer reflect who I am any more. But while I don't need the shroud of menacing and exotic leather, I still can't decide which kind of person I want to project to people.

"You know, at this rate you're going to be going to this banquet naked." She teased.

I groaned at her little joke. Banquets were a whole other beast altogether.


	89. What Do You Need?

[89]

_-—What Do You Need?—Goo Goo Dolls—3:49—-_

Sometimes we don't always communicate on the same level. I guess it's the price we're paying for relying on the telepathic Sorceress-Knight bond for so long and having it taken away just as fast as it was given.

I don't know if I should curse Cid's name or thank him for blocking whatever magic is responsible for the telepathy.

It feels like we're learning to co-exist all over again, to learn certain inflections, read body language, voice certain things.

It's ironic how we've improved our communication by having it taken away.


	90. Here Is Gone

[90]

_-—Here Is Gone—Goo Goo Dolls—3:59—-_

He's so distant at times that I can't help be feel like I'm the only one in our relationship. He keeps on building more and more walls around himself that I sometimes wonder if this was even worth pursuing this in the first place. Maybe it was wishful thinking, maybe it was lust, but you know what? It's hard to lose what you've never had. A broken lamp can be repaired if you have all the pieces but he's just like a broken lamp with some pieces hidden under the rug added with pieces of other things, tricking you into believing that they belong.

Well, I'm one of those other pieces who've actually come to realize that they don't. They just don't.


	91. Ties That Bind

[91]

_-—Ties That Bind—Alter Bridge—3:19—-_

I was tied to the chair, bound by something or someone I couldn't understand. In this dark room where I found myself, I could feel my heart beat around the pressure cutting my wrists and ankles. I didn't know where I was or why I was here. Some anti-Garden faction? Anti-sorceress group? Someone who hated me plain and simple?

A projector shed some light on the matter and on the wall.

'_I'm hiding your paperwork as you speak. If you promise to co-operate with my demands, I'll let you go.'_

Squall rolled his eyes. Rinoa had the most twisted ideas sometimes.


	92. Times Like These

[92]

_-—Times Like These—Foo Fighters—4:27—-_

Sometimes you only realize what you've got when you almost lose it. By now I should be the most conscious person of what I have by the many close calls we've collectively had. Unfortunately, I never needed the lesson. I've always known what I have with her the instant I finally admitted what was there and no longer felt afraid to let myself act human, to concede that I needed people in my life.

Times like these, I wonder why we haven't sealed ourselves in our own little insular bubble after all the times we've held each other, never letting go after having yet another close call.

Then I remembered that she doesn't take too well to isolation. I simply let her teach me to live again when I've forgotten how.


	93. Today

[93]

_-—Today—Lifehouse—3:02—-_

"C'mon Squall, we've only got today to do this, don't let it go by!" she shouted. I wanted nothing more than to shake my head but out of self-preservation, I don't. Last thing I need is to get coerced by tickling. Hyne, if only I could wear my leather jacket and pants, then she wouldn't be able to take advantage of me.

Still, I secretly smirk to myself. At least she could be my excuse so I wouldn't have to admit to anyone else that I actually like amusement parks.


	94. Trippin' On A Hole In A Paper Heart

[94]

_-—Trippin' On A Hole In A Paper Heart—Stone Temple Pilots—2:57—-_

I couldn't see anything properly, everything kept on swirling. Whatever she made this lemon stuff with, it was sure doing a number on my head; it felt like I was swimming.

"God, your ideas are stupid." I blurted out of no where. She giggled.

"Come here," she mouthed, roping her arm around me. But why did that matter? She was squished in the chair with me anyway, she couldn't get any closer.

She cupped her hand against my ear, deliciously whispering something in my ear. "You're so cute when you're wasted."

"Speak...for yourself." I slurred.

"Aw, you think I'm cute too!"

I turned scarlet for a moment before forgetting that I was scarlet. "...Why are you so surprised that I think that?"

_...Blasted booze._


	95. Somewhere In Between

[95]

_-—Somewhere In Between—Lifehouse—4:15—-_

There was something about this moment I couldn't ignore. The soft music, flowers, candles...God it was so cliché, but I couldn't turn away. It was every girls' dream to have a moment like this. He was there too, waiting.

This could not be happening, could it? I closed my eyes and reopened them. I must have been something in between what was real and just a dream. He was still there, only instead of being there in a room full of all that romantic stuff, he was in the corner poring over paperwork. For some reason, I didn't frown at the revelation that I was just imagining things.

Suddenly he looked my way, realizing I'd passed through his office's threshold.

When he couldn't look away, somehow, I knew that I might have something real to hold onto soon.


	96. The Memory Will Never Die

[96]

_-—The Memory Will Never Die—Default—4:24—-_

There was something about this moment that I know I'd come to hold so dear to my heart. We were no longer an item, but it wasn't done on bad terms. We'd simply grown more mature, needed more things - we needed to see more of the world, outside of the insular one we'd created for ourselves.

That end was over five years ago.

Seeing you in Timber, right here and now, I remembered every single moment, gesture and feeling I ever shared with you. You've changed physically and I'm ready to bet mentally as well. Still, I could not keep from staring at you from across the coffee shop and for once, you initiated the conversation once you caught my eye and walked over to see me.

The memory of the past will never die. I doubt that the start of our future would either.


	97. So Cold

[97]

_-—So Cold—Breaking Benjamin—4:45—-_

It was freezing out and I began to lose all sensation in my one hand. Letting out a slow calming breath, I tried to relax as the snow whipped around my face. All I needed to do was huddle myself in a ball to warm up my extremities in the mean time. I mean, he was going to come back right?

Hours had passed and I was still in the same position, freezing as always...Hyne I don't know if I'm going to make it if he doesn't come soon. I...it's so cold that I can't feel anything...I'm just a block of ice – a glorified human-shaped piece of ice. I closed my eyes upon the realization that I wasn't going to open them again. The arctic tundra had won, and I was alright with that. I was numb enough to not feel pain.


	98. Father Of Mine

[98]

_-—Father Of Mine—Everclear—3:48—-_

I didn't know if I should really feel sorry or indifferent towards Squall, seeing his father trying to patch things up and make up for lost time. No, I couldn't feel indifferent, I felt angry about it. All I could remember of _him _was all the times he'd been so absorbed in his work to acknowledge the fact that I needed to be loved, comforted...anything.

My father might have given me a name but after my mom's death, that's all he'd given me.


	99. Next Year

[99]

_-—Next Year—Foo Fighters—3:23—-_

Most of the time, I didn't want to think of the future, then again, who'd want to when things were as good as they were now? Still, on the oft time where I'd let myself dream of the days we hadn't marked off of our calendars yet, I thought of the things that might be in store for us. Maybe a wedding, children, world peace...who knows?

I let out a sigh. I guess I'll have to start thinking about the following year; that'll be when I'll be finally reunited with him after tonight.


	100. The Little Things Give You Away

[100]

_-—The Little Things Give You Away—Linkin Park—6:23—-_

The little things give us away. Whether it's the trace of a smile within our frown, the lingers in our stares...it is human to be imperfect, leaving clues of our true selves deep within our daily facades. I can't help but to simply stare at her in awe and shame. I can't believe she'd done this to me, to us, without even saying a word. If it had not been for a loose slip of the tongue during an occasion I can't remember, I would have never started digging on my own to find out about this hurtful truth. While I'm not the most emotional person in the world, I just hope I was giving away my feelings enough through my posture so I wouldn't have to explain it to her.

"...Why didn't you tell me? We could have worked it out-"

"Squall...it wasn't like that..." she unremorsefully interrupted me, "...It wasn't me who had that appointment to get rid of it. I was just covering for _someone_ by using my name."

My throat suddenly stopped working. She continued.

"I only covered for her in hopes that you'd find out. ...I need to talk to you about something."


	101. She Don't Want The World

**A/N – **These were all done a long time ago but I forgot to post 'em. Yeah…I was being **ultra** lazy so some might not have the song title. I remembered most of them though!

-—-—--—-—--—-—--—-—-

[101]

_-—She Don't Want The World—3 Doors Down—4:04—-_

I didn't want anyone to see me, not even Squall. What I'd done...Hyne, I couldn't explain myself. All the fairytale dreams, aspirations and goals...all wiped away with one question. I don't know where to go or what to do if I ever mustered the courage to leave this room. I...can't handle the simplest of tasks, how was I supposed to handle the world? No, I thought, I don't want the world. I want the fairytale I once knew, the one I once thought was real.


	102. The Unforgiven III

[102]

_-—The Unforgiven III—Metallica—7:47—-_

Wandering around the globe by myself, I sometimes wondered if anything I'd done was ever worth it. I've left so much behind, I'm not sure if I would be ever forgiven if I were to ever show my face back at Garden. I had deserted them in their time of need for my selfish desires. Were the dreams I was chasing just that – dreams? Where they even dreams to begin with or ideas planted in my head?

I dipped my head down in shame, dreams or not, I was being selfish. The paper by feet told me I was somewhere in Timber but I couldn't feel any more lost in the hustle and bustle of the city. This town was obviously meant for those who worked, those who lived and...that I wasn't.

But really, how could I be lost if no one was looking for me, wanting me to be found?

I dipped my head even further. Great, even feeling lost was yet another thing that I didn't even deserve.

I had no one to blame for this but myself.


	103. So I Need You

[103]

_-—So I Need You—3 Doors Down—3:52—-_

I was taken surprise by what Squall had just told me right now. Stunned even.

"...I'm sorry, what was that you said?" I feverishly asked him.

"I need you." he repeated, plain and simple.

My head was still jumbled. This was a man known for his introverted and anti-social nature and here he was, telling me such things. No amount of words could ever explain this moment. I'm not sure if they were even needed in the first place. Still, I managed to find a few of my own.

"I need you too." I whispered, hugging him tightly.


	104. Learn You Inside Out

[104]

_-—Learn You Inside Out—Lifehouse—4:27—-_

"You like that? I would have never known." she mumbled. Her suggestion to play twenty questions was getting interesting already and this was only question three.

"...I'm human," he duly stated, "-of course I like things."

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean, you don't seem the type to like_ something like that._" she replied, emphasizing the last part of her sentence.

He shook his head. "Am I allowed to ask a question now?"

"Nope." She giggled. "I've got 17 more questions first. So I'm gonna learn you inside out before you do the same for me."

He groaned. "Fine. But don't breathe a word of my answers to anyone else."

She kissed him on the neck, as if to seal the deal. At least she knew he'd appreciate it; given it was something he said he liked.


	105. A Song For Sleeping

[105]

_-—A Song For Sleeping—Stone Temple Pilots—4:15—-_

He almost couldn't believe it, the moment had finally passed and it had happened. He looked over at Rinoa who was weakly smiling at him from the bed, happily cradling what was fascinating and scaring him so profoundly at this moment.

"I think someone would like to meet his Daddy." She softly whispered in his direction. Taking this cue, he walked over closer to the side of the bed and allowed her to deposit their newborn son in his arms.

God, he'd been waiting to meet him for the longest time, and yet, there were no words to describe this moment.


	106. Wasteland

**A/N **– If I remember correctly, this one had nothing to do with the song; I just used the title as a spring board of sorts. Haha.

-—-—--—-—--—-—--—-—-

[106]

_-—Wasteland—Trapt—3:45—-_

He'd been lying in this wasteland for God knows how long. Okay, maybe the word wasteland was a grandiose exaggeration of his messy office but still, it was as desolate as a wasteland and not fit for habitation as his office was so the moniker felt apt. But why was he even 'living' in here anyway? He was beginning to forget now. Was it a deadline for something? Oh yeah. It was.

_Fuck it, I'm leaving_, he uncharacteristically thought as he marched out of the office. It'd been foolish pride to not ask for help in the first, but damn it, he was down to the last dregs of his sanity and he needed to be with her after a long hard week of absence.

Maybe she'd give him the proper incentives to finish this impossible task.


	107. Chapter 107

**A/N** – I can't seem to remember which song I used here. Sorry.

[107]

Their bond was something few people understood. Even she couldn't at times, but she was learning through the many ordeals and events they've overcome together. But the ones they've overcome alone...those were the ones where she learned the most from. Right now, God help her, she felt like inflicting pain on an unsuspecting Training Centre Grat to relieve herself of these pent-up emotions passed down to her courtesy of her Knight.

She'd have to have a kind word with him about these month-long missions. Better yet, jumping him should just do the trick.


	108. One Late Night

[108]

_-—One Late Night—Default—3:10—-_

It was one late night when he came back so battered and beaten from his mission. She wanted to help him but he'd have none of it, muttering, I'll never learn to do my job right if you heal my wounds, scars are good reminders to not fuck up again.

Still, she hoped that someday she'd have the courage to have none of his non-sense and help anyway. She just wasn't confident enough to do that now.


	109. The Last Tear

[109]

_-—The Last Tear—Trapt—4:15—-_

She cried when she'd promised not to. He thought that after the fourth time it wouldn't hurt as much, but he knew better. Instead of reminding her of her promise, he simply drew her into an embrace and let her spread those 'last tears' on his neck. He knew better than to truly believe her when she said those would be the last tear. More would always come, he knew that much.

"Squall?" she hiccoughed, "...I'm sorry...I know I promised I wouldn't cry if we tried again and I lost it."

He shushed her. "It's alright, I understand. Just because I don't cry doesn't mean I'm not as sad as you are right now."


	110. Everclear's Slide

[110]

_-—Slide—Everclear—3:48—-_

I hate him. I hate him so every much. But...is taking out my frustrations this way appropriate? This...isn't making sense even though it feels so good...so therapeutic. I can't remember what got us to this point, but I know of the consequences of this. I almost hate me for this, but I pulled away. I just...couldn't commit myself, knowing that I could screw this up even further.

"I'm sorry..." I choked out in heavy pants, "I...shouldn't have...done this to you..."

Shouldn't have was an understatement, I shouldn't have done a lot. It doesn't matter if I've done this before, it didn't make this any more right.

I left Seifer right there, finally realizing that this wasn't real. I was just trying to get back at my father.


	111. First Time

[111]

_-—First Time—Lifehouse—3:21—-_

The fireworks had punctuated the end of our first kiss. It was a lovely coincidence, but it didn't mask the fact that it wasn't the only thing that had 'punctuated' our first embrace. Selphie and Irvine had poked their heads out from the balcony doors and I was almost mortified as I'm sure Squall was when he spotted their collective ear-to-ear grins our way.

Just then, without another word, Squall calmly walked over to the doorway. He did something I wasn't expecting in a million years – he'd pushed their head back and closed the door on them.

When he turned back to face me, my heart was racing a million beats a second. God, I've never felt such exhilaration in my life, not even with that fling with Seifer. Maybe this is what falling in love for the first time was supposed to feel like.


	112. Sex With A Movie Star

[112]

_-—Sex With A Movie Star (The Good Witch Gone Bad)—Everclear—4:00—-_

_This feels so weird, _she thought to herself, _I'm just a regular girl, why is my face all over the news? This isn't fair._

Rinoa looked away from the magazine she had between her hands. It had been the second time in the past week where she had spotted herself in some kind of print. This time, she wanted nothing more than to crawl into a deep hole and hoped that Squall would never see this.

_Apparently,_ she wasn't allowed discussing with Selphie about the local celebrities without someone eavesdropping on them and selling her out to some kind of tabloid, conveniently misinterpreting everything she'd said in jest as reality.

If only that idiot had Squall's ability to detect sarcasm from a mile away.


	113. I'll Keep Your Memory Vague

[113]

_-—I'll Keep Your Memory Vague—Finger Eleven—3:42—-_

I had to distance myself after all the damage I'd done. I just couldn't hold this together after that first kiss and I'm sorry I unwittingly led you to believe that there was truly a future between us. This was all too new for me and...I was just overwhelmed by this and my new responsibilities to balance you both as I should have.

I'll keep your memory vague until I'm a little older and a little wiser. Don't feel bad for leaving. I don't blame you in the slightest.


	114. Cold

[114]

_-—Cold (But I'm Still Here)—Evans Blue—3:53—-_

It was getting a little colder, a little darker and... I wasn't so sure if I was going to last long in this state. The water's cold shock took me by surprise; the water streaming from my eyes. This wasn't what I was expecting. This letter...why did you do this to me? Did I truly mean that little to you or are you are you afraid of getting close, repeating the same behaviour from all those years ago?

_It's no one's fault, _you wrote, _no one to blame_.

I can't believe you.


	115. Innocent

[115]

_-—Innocent—Fuel—3:35—-_

Yet again, you've had another close call with a mission. As I stand by your bed, I want to know why this has happened now. It seems like you've been having more and more close calls ever since we let people know that we're together. Have I cursed you? Have I unknowingly forced people's hatred of anything related to sorceresses on to you, tainting your good name?

God, I hope that it's just a coincidence. You've been jaded for so long; I just want you to have a taste of innocence again. I don't know what the future will hold for us but...I just want it to be together. You deserve at least that much.


	116. Breathing

[116]

_-—Breathing—Lifehouse—4:25—-_

_Breathe in, breathe out. Concentrate. You can do this._

With the utmost caution, Rinoa willed herself to open her eyes._ My God, _she softly thought,_ he's still here._

Looking at his chest rise and fall with every breath he took, she couldn't help but smile. They hadn't done much talking last night but she knew it was the start of something, especially now that he hadn't left like he normally did when he started making these '_sleep-overs'_ a bit of a habit a couple of weeks ago.

She laid there in pure amazement. She could easily listen to him breathing all day.


	117. Think About Me

[117]

_-—Think About Me—Goo Goo Dolls—3:59—-_

"God, won't you ever listen?"

"I do listen." he replied. "...I just can't help it. I'm sorry."

Rinoa suppressed a sigh. "Will you ever be able to help it?" she countered, "I swear you turn your head the moment it gets real. Well...I can't go this slowly any more. I need to know Squall, please? I'm starting to feel lonely even when you're in the room."

Moving a few strands of hair, his gaze faltering. "...I can't Rinoa. I need to know that you're not going to leave before I commit myself to what I'll say."


	118. Your Arms Feel Like Home

[118]

_-—Your Arms Feel Like Home—3 Doors Down—3:44—-_

Holding her in his arms, he realized something, something simple he couldn't even begin to fathom wanting but now had – he didn't want to let her go. Standing here, embracing her after such a long absence in Timber, he quietly reflected on all they'd gone through; the hardships, happy moments and...God, had it ever hit him. After all this time, he felt most at ease in her arms. Through the bad, the good...it was the only place where he could be that person he truly was inside and not worry about what the world thought.

Her arms felt like home.


	119. Father's Son

[119]

_-—Father's Son—3 Doors Down—4:14—-_

Rinoa had been worrying a fair deal lately. She knew it didn't have anything to do with her but, she still worried over him. He was becoming distant, almost stressed lately and she wasn't sure she could relate. She would have been happy in his case but, then again, she reminded herself, she and Squall were two very different people.

At that moment, the bedroom door's creaking broke her out of her small reverie. It wasn't long before Squall came into the view, looking a little scruffy with his wrinkled shirt and sporting a bit of a five 'o clock shadow. Seeing as she hadn't turned the light off, she chanced giving him a small smile.

"It'll get better with him, I promise." she told him. He nodded.

"I...hope so."


	120. The Real Life

[120]

_-—The Real Life—3 Doors Down—3:55—-_

This life hadn't always felt real to me. At times it was almost like I was living inside my own bubble, like there was a wall separating me from the rest of the world. I've always wondered if it was a universal feeling, if it was something everyone assumed they were the only ones to go through. Still, I had my reservations. Metaphorically running away like I had, silenced by words...it didn't seem like something the average person would go through.

Not anymore though. I...feel like I need to find the better part of myself, to right the things I've done. I've got to wake up and live in the real world. She's already helped me find my way...I just hope I can stay the course.


	121. Julia

[121]

_-—Julia—Our Lady Peace—3:57—-_

She hardly knew her mom. All she had were the stories and some little things she remembered as a little child. This revelation was something else. How...could she have not been told this sooner? Wiping away the tears budding in the corners of her eyes, she had a new-found respect for her mother and for Caraway. It seemed like her mother had gone through more in her past than she let on and he was kinder than he let on.

Staring at the man across the room, for that's what he truly was, she couldn't make a sound. She'd never truly looked into why she didn't carry the least bit of resemblance to him.


	122. To The Moon And Back

[122]

_-—To The Moon And Back—Savage Garden—5:41—-_

It was the last time. He couldn't stand the hurt he saw welled inside of her eyes. There was no more time to dawdle, he couldn't make up anymore reasons; hers were getting to be too great as her father had just given her another thing to cry and spend a sleepless night over. If he could, he'd take her to the moon and back to get away from it all but...that imagery wasn't the most comforting. It didn't matter though. It would be the thought, not the particular destination that counted. A map would be irrelevant.

All he needed was to do something, anything.

"...Rinoa?" he softly called out, rolling to face her side of the bed.

"Yes?" she mumbled, her eyes glistening with unshed tears in the dark.

He said nothing; he simply let her know through an unexpected, yet passionate, kiss.


	123. Anchor

[123]

_-—Anchor—Lifehouse—5:03—-_

He was anchored down by her body and he couldn't care less. With a blank expression, he wasn't sure of what to make of this. All he knew that was that they were alone. No one could judge what could possibly happen next. He wouldn't judge her either. If he was sinking into her whims, so be it. She was his anchor whether he admitted it or not.

Turning ever so slightly, she gave him a deliciously mischievous grin. She drew a hand, holding him by the hand for reasons he couldn't comprehend. She was already on top of him, what was she trying to achieve? Sensory overload?

"...I bet you're wondering why I'm doing this." she cheekily said. He rolled his eyes, not before gasping a little for air first. Holding his breath was a bit of a bad idea now – especially when she could easily notice.

"I think I already have an idea." he coughed.

"Well, is it working?" she teased. She gave him a cute mock-frown when he shrugged. "You really shouldn't lie to me, you know."


End file.
